Nice Junk

Dan is sweet to me even though I don’t deserve it and Doug has been very supportive about my mental illness.

I made a comic today. I couldn’t sleep and decided to draw how I was feeling.

I Don’t Like Sexual Harassment

Two weeks ago, I pepper-sprayed a middle-aged man on the train because it was 4am and he followed me from one car into a completely empty car and sat next to me. 

Later on that week, another man came into the store I worked at and he kept trying to touch me and kept telling me to lock the door of the store and I straight up asked him, ” are you planning on murdering me and robbing the store?” He somehow made me feel guilty for asking that. He tried to touch my face and asked me inappropriate questions about controlling people and if I would like someone to control me. Then he got on all four’s and tried to kiss my feet. I asked him to leave IN A POLITE WAY because I’m stupid. I felt really violated and stupid and tricked.

This Friday night, I went to the Comedy Bar with Sara. This man kept coming over and touching us and he kissed us on our cheeks. We let him know that we were uncomfortable. He kept coming back so to get him to stop, Sara told him that I was her girlfriend. He got mad at us and kept coming over to yell at us for being rude to him. He told everyone around us that we were “bitches” and then mimed jacking off his dick at us. 

JUST BECAUSE YOUR DICK IS SAD DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN TOUCH ME AND BOTHER ME LEAVE ME ALONE.

I don’t think I have enough pepper-spray to fight all the world’s assholes.

I’m Advertising Sports Radio

For anyone who doesn’t care, I am in the depressed part of being manic-depressive, which means I spend hours looking up the most successful ways to commit suicide. I think there’s some law that doesn’t let people talk about that because it’s pretty hard to find that stuff (I would know, I’ve spent years looking). On top of that, I hit a drunk girl with my car and I didn’t care. I still don’t care. I have no feelings and then I get mad that I have no feelings. Don’t worry, she’s fine. I’m the one we’re feeling sorry for here, okay? 

My lithium levels are at a non-therapeutic level so yes, I’m feeling it when I quietly say something and people don’t respond. THAT HURTS SO MUCH, GUYS. Doesn’t everyone know that everything is about me and it makes sense that I take everything personally?

So, what have I been doing to cope with this besides not eating? I’ve been listening to sports radio. It’s this thing where you can listen to dumb people argue about things you don’t care about.

Like how the Mets have an okay start so far but it’s silly to think they’ll make it that far this season. Or that everyone on the Yankees line-up is injured or old or both and people are mad about that because the Yankees are entitled to win all the time. Or that the Mariners are looking good and are already presumed to make the playoffs. 

And guess what? I don’t even care about any of these teams. I don’t understand any of the stats or how the addition of a relief pitcher has changed baseball or how some players are bad but let’s analyze how they’re bad. AND I KEEP ON LISTENING. I do it because it’s something I can numbly listen to and distract myself. This is probably why everyone else listens to sports radio, it can’t possibly be because the sport is exciting and people know more about it than I do. 

I need a hug. And I need to watch more baseball. Mostly hugs. 

GOOD MORNING

I share my bedroom wall with a neighbor who stays up late fighting with family members and making them cry. Then he wakes up early and drills holes into the wall we share because 6 hours of sleep a night is too much for me. Cask of the Amontillado stuff is happening there is what I’m thinking.

I’m too uncomfortable to confront him about it. But I also don’t want to live next to an abusive construction site. :( 

Foolish By Nature

I was ignorantly full-on gyrating to T-Rex as these two Asian ladies came into the store. It was then that I was aware that I was dancing by myself in public.

As I was pretending I wasn’t just humping the glass case (my dancing buddy), I found out quickly that these two Asian ladies did not want to buy anything. They cut to the chase by talking to me in mandarin. I don’t know mandarin so I just said, “no.”

One woman found out I knew english and it turns out, they wanted me to buy tickets to go to some cultural Asian thing in Lincoln Center and they wanted to hang up their huge poster in the store. It’s of an androgynous Asian man in costume doing a split in mid-air. 

I said “no” and they gave me this speech about how I should go to the show because I’m Asian and it’s about Asians.

That show is not about me. I dance foolishly but like a white person.

I’m At Work Playing R&B

I am way less cooler than I think I really am, I’ll never be funny, and I think I’m crashing from my manic phase.

Someone turn this tea shop into a bumpin dance party. WHICH I WON’T DANCE AT UNLESS SOMEONE FORCES ME TO BECAUSE I’M ANTI-SOCIAL. 

Tumblr hates my thoughts. I’ll delete stuff someday.

This Is My Horoscope FOR LIFE

I Am Manic

I slept for half an hour last night. 

I slept for 3 hours two nights ago.

I probably won’t sleep tonight.

I don’t feel tired at all.

I feel like DA BOMB.

Soon, I’ll crash and I’m going to be depressed and lay in bed in the dark without clothes on for days. 

Also, I need to finish two sketches by tomorrow morning. Do you think I can do that?

More Information